And This Is What I've Done
by detective-sweetheart
Summary: postep for Poison Casey contemplates what is and what has been after the trial.


The key to surviving in this unit, she thinks, is learning how to breathe and learning how to find a place in the lineup. The hardest part is trying to hold onto it when the world is pressing in on all sides and you want to give in and let them have you. She stares up at the empty bench in the courtroom, her faith in the criminal justice system temporarily shattered. This case…she doesn't want to think about it. And yet it was her crusade, and so she must, because the repercussions for what she has done are great, and she has made herself an enemy in many a courtroom. But the fact she knows that she must not forget is because it was for a good cause.

Controversy is not a word unknown to the Special Victims Unit. This she knows and has known ever since Arthur Branch got it into his mind to stick her in that particular bureau and she tried her first case. Casey knows that a lot of the cases she tries nowadays are setting precedents. She knows that people tend to look down on the unit with an air of superiority, as if they are so much better because they don't handle sex crimes. Casey ignores the talk of the other prosecutors in the office, because in _her_ unit, there is always a victim; there is always someone to be spoken for, whether it is a child, a murdered innocent, or a victim who made it through the attack.

She thinks as she stands there on the prosecution side of the courtroom that a prosecutor's job has to be one of the hardest in the world. She has been in the DA's office through many changes, from people leaving to take the defense side of the courtroom to an ADA losing her life in a battle well-fought against people that many would be afraid to take on. Casey wonders vaguely if she will last as long as Alexandra Cabot did, or if she will soon throw in the towel after the horrors of the cases start getting to her. And then she realizes that the horrors are already getting to her. She cannot sleep at night any longer, and has not been able to sleep since her first case. And as she continues to stand there, she thinks back on something that Detective Benson told her during that same case…that the cases involving children are always the hardest.

A judge may be taken off the bench for good. A child is dead because of her mother's psychological problems. And Casey found herself caught in the middle. Such is the life of an ADA, she muses, her thoughts dripping with sarcasm. At least the child's mother will pay for her crime, and what a story this case has turned out to be. Adopted, unloved, uncared for…Casey wonders why the hell people even bother having children, why people even bother _adopting_ children if this is what is going to happen. She has always been the sort to give people the benefit of the doubt, but this unit is quickly starting to change that.

Casey knows that she has won an important case. But that still doesn't help her any. She wants to know where people get off judging others by their appearance. She wants to know what in the hell makes people think that some are better than others. What she knows at this point in time, however, is that there are no easy answers in her line of work. Cases, she thinks, are only as good as the prosecutor who tries them. The thought is no comfort. She knows that she is an able prosecutor, but some cases end up never being closed. Some cases end up in an acquittal. And every time a case ends in the conviction she's looking for, she is elated, but at the same time saddened by the fact that people can commit crimes such as the ones she finds herself facing.

Well, she thinks as she finally moves to exit the courtroom, at least I can do something right. Prosecuting, she tells herself, is not always easy, but at least it is somewhat fulfilling. She doesn't think she could live with herself if she were a defense attorney, especially since she has seen from the detectives' point of view the people they defend. Casey finds a certain sort of satisfaction in knowing that she is a key factor in getting criminals off of the streets.

But for now, all she wants to do is forget this case and everything in it. She wants to go home and take off her shoes, forget about her paperwork and watch a movie that she hasn't seen in a while. She wants to fall asleep, and she thinks that tonight, she just might be able to. As Casey walks out of the courthouse and into the night, she realizes that she has already found her place in the unit's lineup. And she is holding on to it just fine.

A/N: Well...this one isn't too late...at least, I don't think so...anyways, SVU is not mine and never will be, no matter how much I want it to be, so...yeah. You get the point.


End file.
